Posts

When Hope is Smaller than a Mustard seed

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When Hope is Smaller than a Mustard Seed. What I remember most about that day is that sense of dread coming over me all of a sudden. And then came a small twinge of pain. I was at a birthday party at that time and I quickly sat down, hoping it would pass. But then the pain increased. It came in waves, and I struggled to catch my breath when the pain was at its worst. A couple hours later I was sure of what was happening -  my worst fears had come true and I was miscarrying once again.  It was still quite early in the pregnancy, we'd only just gotten a positive on a home pregnany test a few days ago so we hadn't had a chance to tell anyone about it. But that's the thing with pregnancy loss, it doesn't really matter how early you are - the pain of that loss is just the same. This was not the first time this had happened to me, which somehow made it worse. I knew what was coming, but it didn't mean I was any more prepared for it all. The last time it had happened was a

Precious Pregnancy

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Precious Pregnancy Back in June 2022, on a Wednesday morning, my husband and I found out I was pregnant! We were both so overjoyed when that test came back with two lines to indicate this news. My mother-in-law was visiting us at the time and she shared in our joy.  But my joy was short-lived. Almost immediately my anxiety took over and I found myself in panic mode. You see, this was not the first time I had received a positive on a pregnancy test. The first time was July 2021. I was at the doctor's office to go over some unrelated test results and because I was a few days late getting my period that month, she had me take a pregnany test while I was at the clinic which immediately came back positive. I still needed to do a blood test to confirm, but I was over the moon! The next morning when the bleeding started and we drove to the ED that feeling was replaced with dread. 11 hours in hospital and we came home devasted - I was miscarrying. My doctor was encouraging; she said these

In His Time

For t he past couple of weeks Phil and I have been talking much about adoption. It wasn't completely out of the blue as this is something we had talked about before we got married. But for something we've both wanted, we realized we know next to nothing about the actual process. As it happened, a couple of my friends are at different stages in the adoption journey and I've been witnessing with great anticipation and excitement as they move through the steps in the process. We're not quite ready to adopt yet, so I was a bit hesitant starting the conversation with anyone, in case it was misunderstood. But this past week my curiosity got the better of me as I broached the topic cautiously with a friend after doing some preliminary internet research. Unfortunately what I found left me feeling rather distraught. It seemed like there were too many obstacles in the journey if we were to look at adoption in Australia, and as we're no longer residents of India, adoption in I

YES, I would like my daily meal brought to me by ravens please.

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Most people know this about me: when I was quite young my parents decided to move us from Tamil Nadu to a small town in a rural part of North India. We were never really wealthy before we made the move, but as the only daughter of a veterinary doctor, I didn't really want for much (did I mention I was also the only grandchild in my mom's family at that time?). Life was good. However, all this changed when we moved to the north; which was quickly followed by my sister being born. A rural town meant a change in our lifestyle and a new sister meant I had to learn to share almost everything. I suddenly found myself with many wants that were no longer being met - I was not super thrilled by this. I tried the usual yelling, tantrum throwing, crying tactics but all to no avail. It was around this time that my Grandma first told me the story of Elijah's ravens.  Illustration by Jim Padgett If you need a refresher here it is:  Elijah was living in Israel during the time of King Aha

My 30 years of life

Today is the day I become 30 years old; Celebrate 30 years of life on this planet. 30 years of laughter and joy; of exhilaration and promises; of adventures and journeys. 30 years of gut-wrenching pain, Of heartbreak and deep sorrow; Of immense grief and incredible bliss. 30 years of questioning and suffering, years of searching for truth and making peace with things that don't fit my plan. Of trying so hard to keep God at the center of it all and failing miserably every day. 30 years of Grace that was undeserved Of forgiveness and second chances. 30 years of life being so much more than I could have ever imagined; Life lived larger than I could have hoped for; of dreams that I didn't even know I had coming true, much to my surprise. 30 years of dreams that didn't come true leaving painful scars and reminders. 30 years of easy lessons learned; Of difficult lessons learned and of lessons that I'm still learning. 30 years of books read, and c

My Top 8 Pet Peeves of Spoken (Indian) English

There are many misconceptions in the world regarding English and the proficiency with which it is spoken in India. The Indian Accent is one of the most popularly imitated fake accents; of course most Indians don't speak with the stereotypical 'Indian Accent' as shown on television shows and movies. Actually there are many many many fluent English speakers in India, as it is one of our official languages. We're pretty good at understanding multiple accents as well (because of the diversity in India). But that doesn't mean that the English spoken in India is always grammatically accurate, or that words are pronounced using an appropriate phonetic system. Sometimes, the errors can be dismissed by claiming it is because of the differences between British spoken English and American spoken English (like when you try to say tomato, or using 'cutlery' instead of 'silverware'); but this isn't always true (as evidenced below). So here is a list of my top

Drive on!

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If you have ever been to India (New Delhi specifically), our chaotic traffic was probably your first impression of this beautiful city. Most people will find it intimidating to enter the flow of this seemingly chaotic dance that is traffic in India. I don't drive in India, mostly because my dad is terrified I will wreck his car, but also because I'm a bit scared. But as I still have quite a long commute to work every-day, Uber has been my friend. And I must say being in the passenger seat has been great! I get to observe some fantastic maneuvering on the roads, while not having to enter the fray myself. And from what I can tell, though at first it appears as if there are no traffic rules and chaos reigns unchecked, there a set of rules that drivers in Delhi are following. Unfortunately, the logic behind these rules only makes sense to the Delhi driver, putting everyone else at a disadvantage. So, I decided to put together a compilation of my ‘observations’ (for lack of a be