Journal

When Hope is Smaller than a Mustard Seed. What I remember most about that day is that sense of dread coming over me all of a sudden. And then came a small twinge of pain. I was at a birthday party at that time and I quickly sat down, hoping it would pass. But then the pain increased. It came in waves, and I struggled to catch my breath when the pain was at its worst. A couple hours later I was sure of what was happening -  my worst fears had come true and I was miscarrying once again.  It was still quite early in the pregnancy, we'd only just gotten a positive on a home pregnany test a few days ago so we hadn't had a chance to tell anyone about it. But that's the thing with pregnancy loss, it doesn't really matter how early you are - the pain of that loss is just the same. This was not the first time this had happened to me, which somehow made it worse. I knew what was coming, but it didn't mean I was any more prepared for it all. The last time it had happened was a

Precious Pregnancy Back in June 2022, on a Wednesday morning, my husband and I found out I was pregnant! We were both so overjoyed when that test came back with two lines to indicate this news. My mother-in-law was visiting us at the time and she shared in our joy.  But my joy was short-lived. Almost immediately my anxiety took over and I found myself in panic mode. You see, this was not the first time I had received a positive on a pregnancy test. The first time was July 2021. I was at the doctor's office to go over some unrelated test results and because I was a few days late getting my period that month, she had me take a pregnany test while I was at the clinic which immediately came back positive. I still needed to do a blood test to confirm, but I was over the moon! The next morning when the bleeding started and we drove to the ED that feeling was replaced with dread. 11 hours in hospital and we came home devasted - I was miscarrying. My doctor was encouraging; she said these