Journal

When Hope is Smaller than a Mustard Seed. What I remember most about that day is that sense of dread coming over me all of a sudden. And then came a small twinge of pain. I was at a birthday party at that time and I quickly sat down, hoping it would pass. But then the pain increased. It came in waves, and I struggled to catch my breath when the pain was at its worst. A couple hours later I was sure of what was happening -  my worst fears had come true and I was miscarrying once again.  It was still quite early in the pregnancy, we'd only just gotten a positive on a home pregnany test a few days ago so we hadn't had a chance to tell anyone about it. But that's the thing with pregnancy loss, it doesn't really matter how early you are - the pain of that loss is just the same. This was not the first time this had happened to me, which somehow made it worse. I knew what was coming, but it didn't mean I was any more prepared for it all. The last time it had happened was a...

For t he past couple of weeks Phil and I have been talking much about adoption. It wasn't completely out of the blue as this is something we had talked about before we got married. But for something we've both wanted, we realized we know next to nothing about the actual process. As it happened, a couple of my friends are at different stages in the adoption journey and I've been witnessing with great anticipation and excitement as they move through the steps in the process. We're not quite ready to adopt yet, so I was a bit hesitant starting the conversation with anyone, in case it was misunderstood. But this past week my curiosity got the better of me as I broached the topic cautiously with a friend after doing some preliminary internet research. Unfortunately what I found left me feeling rather distraught. It seemed like there were too many obstacles in the journey if we were to look at adoption in Australia, and as we're no longer residents of India, adoption in I...

Most people know this about me: when I was quite young my parents decided to move us from Tamil Nadu to a small town in a rural part of North India. We were never really wealthy before we made the move, but as the only daughter of a veterinary doctor, I didn't really want for much (did I mention I was also the only grandchild in my mom's family at that time?). Life was good. However, all this changed when we moved to the north; which was quickly followed by my sister being born. A rural town meant a change in our lifestyle and a new sister meant I had to learn to share almost everything. I suddenly found myself with many wants that were no longer being met - I was not super thrilled by this. I tried the usual yelling, tantrum throwing, crying tactics but all to no avail. It was around this time that my Grandma first told me the story of Elijah's ravens.  Illustration by Jim Padgett If you need a refresher here it is:  Elijah was living in Israel during the time of King Aha...