Journal

When Hope is Smaller than a Mustard Seed. What I remember most about that day is that sense of dread coming over me all of a sudden. And then came a small twinge of pain. I was at a birthday party at that time and I quickly sat down, hoping it would pass. But then the pain increased. It came in waves, and I struggled to catch my breath when the pain was at its worst. A couple hours later I was sure of what was happening -  my worst fears had come true and I was miscarrying once again.  It was still quite early in the pregnancy, we'd only just gotten a positive on a home pregnany test a few days ago so we hadn't had a chance to tell anyone about it. But that's the thing with pregnancy loss, it doesn't really matter how early you are - the pain of that loss is just the same. This was not the first time this had happened to me, which somehow made it worse. I knew what was coming, but it didn't mean I was any more prepared for it all. The last time it had happened was a...

Precious Pregnancy Back in June 2022, on a Wednesday morning, my husband and I found out I was pregnant! We were both so overjoyed when that test came back with two lines to indicate this news. My mother-in-law was visiting us at the time and she shared in our joy.  But my joy was short-lived. Almost immediately my anxiety took over and I found myself in panic mode. You see, this was not the first time I had received a positive on a pregnancy test. The first time was July 2021. I was at the doctor's office to go over some unrelated test results and because I was a few days late getting my period that month, she had me take a pregnany test while I was at the clinic which immediately came back positive. I still needed to do a blood test to confirm, but I was over the moon! The next morning when the bleeding started and we drove to the ED that feeling was replaced with dread. 11 hours in hospital and we came home devasted - I was miscarrying. My doctor was encouraging; she said these ...

For t he past couple of weeks Phil and I have been talking much about adoption. It wasn't completely out of the blue as this is something we had talked about before we got married. But for something we've both wanted, we realized we know next to nothing about the actual process. As it happened, a couple of my friends are at different stages in the adoption journey and I've been witnessing with great anticipation and excitement as they move through the steps in the process. We're not quite ready to adopt yet, so I was a bit hesitant starting the conversation with anyone, in case it was misunderstood. But this past week my curiosity got the better of me as I broached the topic cautiously with a friend after doing some preliminary internet research. Unfortunately what I found left me feeling rather distraught. It seemed like there were too many obstacles in the journey if we were to look at adoption in Australia, and as we're no longer residents of India, adoption in I...

Most people know this about me: when I was quite young my parents decided to move us from Tamil Nadu to a small town in a rural part of North India. We were never really wealthy before we made the move, but as the only daughter of a veterinary doctor, I didn't really want for much (did I mention I was also the only grandchild in my mom's family at that time?). Life was good. However, all this changed when we moved to the north; which was quickly followed by my sister being born. A rural town meant a change in our lifestyle and a new sister meant I had to learn to share almost everything. I suddenly found myself with many wants that were no longer being met - I was not super thrilled by this. I tried the usual yelling, tantrum throwing, crying tactics but all to no avail. It was around this time that my Grandma first told me the story of Elijah's ravens.  Illustration by Jim Padgett If you need a refresher here it is:  Elijah was living in Israel during the time of King Aha...

With a name like Prarthana (which means Prayer in Hindi), 'prayer' is something I tend to think about often. It is one of those things that transcends most religious, and cultural barriers. Most people have no issues praying for the more generic, widespread things - like World Peace, Hunger relief, End to Poverty, Healing for the sick (both personal, and general in this case) etc. Some go a step further and pray for more specific things - Job security, better housing, a promotion, good grades etc. The truly spiritual will pray for even more specific, truly personal things - That God's Will is done, Spiritual growth, supporting missions, etc. All of the above are good, noble prayers and as Christians, should be part of our prayer life. However, this year God has introduced me to a whole new dimension of Prayer - "Little things". The little things that don't really matter, and probably have no global significance whatsoever, the things that are special only...

Remember the Parable of the Talents? Here's a quick recap (Matt 25.14-30), if you don't need one, then just skip to the next para! A Master goes away on a trip and before he does he gives 5 talents to one servant, 2 to the second and 1 to the third. The first one traded with his talents and earned 5 more talents to add to the original 5, the second did something similar and was able to earn 2 more talents for his master. The third on the other hand, decided all this was too risky and dug a hole in the ground and buried his talents there. Well, the master returns and he is very pleased with the first two servants who used their talents so profitably, he rewards them by entrusting them with more. When the third servant walks up and explains what he did with his talent the master is less than pleased with his efforts, and says that he should have at least invested the money with the bankers so it could earn interest. His one talent is then taken from him and given to the one who ...